It is too concerning that your mind is fluctuating between the extremes. Though as an avid fan of yours, I understand these are the things that make you as yourself, I am worried for you as a fellow human. For an average person like me, depression can be climbed out using ladder. For a creator like you, I can understand that the depth might be an abyss. Please take good care of your health. There are thousands of people looking up to you.